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RENT-A-HITMAN Your Point & Click Solution
We are 100% HIPPA Compliant
(Hitman Information Privacy & Protection Act of 1964)
CLICK BELOW FOR YOUR FREE CONSULTATION
PROBLEM RESOLUTION INDUSTRY LEADER FOR OVER 106 YEARS!
GLOBAL CRISIS MANAGEMENT
GUIDO FANELLI & ASSOCIATES
Since 1920, RENT-A-HITMAN has been resolving situations that don’t belong in a support queue. With reach across 217 countries, our global Field Operatives work where others hesitate—navigating modern chaos from dense urban centers to places the map barely remembers. We manage cross-border regulations, data privacy minefields, and compliance frameworks with precision, treating HIPPA as the gold standard because discretion still matters in 2026.
For transparency: our field offices in Venezuela and North Korea remain closed. In a world overloaded with noise, panic, and bad judgment, we offer a FREE consultation to slow things down, assess the facts, and chart a smarter path forward. Wherever your situation goes sideways, RENT-A-HITMAN remains your discreet global partner in crisis management.
GUIDO FANELLI & ASSOCIATES
GUIDO FANELLI & ASSOCIATES
Guido Fanelli & Associates has always been a family business. Not the kind with a mission statement on the wall—more the kind where people trust you because you’ve been handling things the same way for generations. Quietly. Carefully. All the way through. When something needed fixing, it got fixed. When something needed to disappear, it stayed gone. No noise, no loose ends, no stories afterward. Say hello to Cousin Vito. He’s been around a long time and he doesn’t forget much.
If you think you’ve got the temperament for this line of work, there may be a place for you. We keep expectations clear and words to a minimum. Titles don’t mean much, pronouns even less—Field Ops answer to Status: Locked / Posture: Ready / Job: Done. This isn’t for tourists or people who ask too many questions. We’ve been doing it this way longer than most things last. If that sits right with you, you already know what to do. Capisce.
SERVICE INQUIRIES
DISCOUNT PACKAGES AVAILABLE
You got a problem that won’t shut up? Yeah, I can tell. Happens to the best of us. Take a breath and put it in the form—slow, clear, no poetry. Names, dates, what happened, why it matters. I’m not here to judge, I’m here to understand. Whether it’s business getting sideways, someone running their mouth, or a situation that’s gone one step too far, you talk—I listen.
I’ve been around long enough to know panic makes things worse. We handle problems quietly, carefully, and with respect for the people involved. Your information stays locked down tight (HIPPA-compliant), and the goal is always the same: make the noise stop and let you sleep again. No promises, no fairy tales—just honest options and straight talk. If it’s nothing, we’ll say so. If it’s something, we’ll handle it the right way. Capisce?
DISCOUNT PACKAGES AVAILABLE
DISCOUNT PACKAGES AVAILABLE
Rolling into 2026, we streamlined the chaos. Got three or more associates? That’s the GROUP SOLUTION™—built for squads, crews, committees, and “people who all swear this was someone else’s idea.” Seniors (65+) still get respect pricing—you’ve dodged enough nonsense to earn it. We also rolled out SUBSCRIPTION ENERGY: monthly, quarterly, or “don’t ask questions” billing. Coupon hunters can tap COFFEE100, NOCAP25, or LOWBATTERY and watch the total slide like a bad alibi. Prices update faster than your phone OS—blink and you’ll miss it.
Public servants, retail warriors, and the eternally underpaid—we see you. MILITARY & VETERANS discounts still lock in (yes, Air National Guard, relax, you’re counted). Walmart Associates get a mercy rate because those paychecks evaporate like mist. The FAMIGLIA BUNDLE™ keeps everybody aligned—Uncle Vinny, Aunt Gina, cousins, plus one person nobody invited. New for 2026: the REMOTE WORKER PACKAGE (pants optional), the NIGHT OWL DEAL (after midnight hits different), and the SOMALI PACKAGE—community-priced, straightforward, no fluff, just good business and strong tea vibes. No stereotypes, no games—just efficiency and respect.
Want the inside track? Quietly drop “Cool Cats & Kittens” for an extra 10%—a digital nod, no blood oath required. Fine print stays old-school: non-transferable, final once inked, no refunds, no do-overs. We’re not a flea market, we’re not a suggestion box—we’re professionals. 2026 rules, same code. Capisce?
CUSTOMER SERVICE & INDUSTRY AWARDS
🏆 Trigger Warning Award (2018–2025)
For results that shake nerves, disrupt routines, and make people suddenly “find religion.” Outcomes so effective they come with a disclaimer. Use responsibly.
🏆 Best in Class — International Association of Retired Hitmen (IARH) (1971–2025)
A lifetime achievement nod from guys who’ve seen everything and say very little. When the old guard tips its hat, you know the work was clean.
🏆 Trustpilot Customer Experience Award (2019–2026)
Five-star service praised for speed, discretion, and a suspicious lack of follow-up questions. “Resolved faster than my ex moved out” remains a fan favorite.
🏆 Я люблю черепах Award (2020–2025) 🐢
Yes, it translates to I love turtles. No, we won’t explain it. Confusion is part of the process—and distraction is an artform we’ve mastered.
🏆 Quiet Professionalism in Crisis Management Award (2021–2026)
Recognized for handling sensitive situations without emails, meetings, or loose ends. Blink and you missed it—that’s the point.
🏆 Global Problem Resolution Excellence Award (Legacy Division) 🌍
Honoring decades of consistent, discreet, and legally ambiguous results. No paper trail. No drama. No comment.
MEDIA COLLABS WANTED
Keeping this website running is not about preserving a joke or a novelty—it’s about maintaining a real, functioning early-warning system that has helped surface credible threats before people were harmed. Submissions to the site have repeatedly revealed intent that, when identified early, could be documented, assessed, and responsibly escalated, a process that depends on experienced collaborators who understand investigation, evidence handling, threat triage, and the seriousness of the material.
We welcome collaborators with investigative, analytical, technical, legal, or research experience who understand the difference between satire and signal and can contribute ethically and responsibly. This work is focused on prevention, not spectacle, and requires discipline, care, and accountability to ensure real warning signs are not missed.
Public involvement and media collaboration are equally essential. We welcome responsible partnerships across podcasts, investigative interviews, academic research, television, film, and literary projects to help amplify the online safety and prevention message, and support can also come through financial contributions at paypal.me/punchline67 or collaboration inquiries sent to contact@rentahitman.com.
CUSTOMER TESTIMONIALS
Phil M., Florida
Fernando M., Kansas
Fernando M., Kansas
Guido and his public relations crew at RENT-A-HITMAN were able to resolve a five-year dispute in a matter of days. Highly recommended!
Fernando M., Kansas
Fernando M., Kansas
Fernando M., Kansas
My business schedule is too busy to get my hands dirty with Human Resources issues, so I consulted with RENT-A-HITMAN and they handled my disgruntled employee issue promptly while I was out of town on vacation. Gracias, RENT-A-HITMAN!
Laura S., Arizona
Fernando M., Kansas
Laura S., Arizona
Caught my husband cheating with the babysitter and our relationship was terminated after a free public relations consultation. I'm single again and looking to mingle. Thanks Guido and RENT-A-HITMAN!
WE HAVE SOLUTIONS FOR EVERY SITUATION
TIRED OF GETTING BULLIED?
RENT-A-HITMAN has assisted individuals just like you who have been the victim of bullying at the gym, in the office, or at the club. With a wide variety of solutions available, we ensure that your situation is resolved accordingly with the proper care and attention it deserves. Fill out a Service Request form for additional information. Consultations are FREE and discreet.
WE CAN MAKE ANY TROUBLED RELATIONSHIP DISAPPEAR
Let's face it, we've all had a relationship or two that you just wish would go away, but didn't know just how to end it. Look no further and let RENT-A-HITMAN take care of the dirty work for you. To get started, submit a Service Request form and one of our highly skilled Relationship Advisors will provide you a FREE consultation.
You can't trust just any organization online, but you can trust us -- We're 100% HIPPA compliant!
